Have You Been Watching...? Zombie Night (2013)

  

Syfy/Asylum studio movies can be a bit "hit and miss". Apparently the studio have never made a loss on any of their flicks. Yes, they are cheap with lousy effects, but sometimes they have a charm that encourages a level of forgiveness for trying to achieve something. Zombie Night, a SyFy movie from 2013, is not one of those.

Someone, somewhere thought it would be a good idea to put 80s icons such as Alan Ruck (Ferris Bueller's Day Off), Daryl Hannah (Splash) and Anthony Michael Hall (Weird Science and The Dead Zone TV series) together in a film about zombies that exist for one night only, and then handed the production over to some people who should never be let near a film again.

I was not expecting much, but that bar has never been so low. Our story begins out of nowhere with zombies suddenly appearing out of the ground, which is fun, but the scene itself is prolonged and our cast running about doing absolutely nothing to get away. It's embarrassing for them.

This is a problem throughout the film. Set pieces take place and the cast make increasingly poor and illogical decisions simply to put them into further jeopardy and pad out this abomination of a movie. I don't think I've ever watched a film shouting "They deserve to die!" at the screen. 

Sometimes, I will say a script could do with another polish, another point of view, but this one needs something poured on it and set on fire, then put in a bin to make sure the fire doesn't go out.

Hall, Hannah and Ruck do the best with their characters, and they are so good, but I just felt sorry for the cast having to read these lines and act these scenes with some kind of conviction. There's an elderly lady who just moans and whines, a neighbour who joins the group for reasons of plot, cries and moans, a little bit who moans. There's more moaning from the cast of characters than all the zombies put together.

Even the Zombie "rules" only come into play when it suits. A character get bitten and turns into a zombie. Other characters get bitten and absolutely nothing happens, or they take forever to turn, when it suits the story. Sometimes the zombies are slow, other times they're so quick the cast can't react. It is just so inconsistent it takes the pleasure away. Daft decisions include characters mistaking the yellow flashing of a construction crew lights for...., wait for it...., the blue and red flashing of police lights. They even go into a GREENHOUSE to get away from the zombies. Then there's a whole "thing" about trying to get past some vines in a tunnel which ends up taking no effort whatsoever.

I like to say something positive about a production even if it is terrible. So, in this flick, there ARE some decent zombie effects. That's it. Nothing more. It's a horrendous film and should be consigned to the bargain basement of Doom. Save yourselves. Avoid this. It's just under 90 minutes of my life I'm never going to get back. I've wasted them on this travesty.

Rating: 0/10

Year: 2013

Availability: I won't tell you. I don't want you to seek it out. It's out there, that's all you need to know...

Have You Been Watching...? Zombies Of Mass Destruction (2009)

 

Zombies of Mass Destruction (aka ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction and even "Zombieworld" in some territories), directed by Kevin Hamedani, is one of those movies that I’d never heard of until I was researching some new movies to watch during the Halloween month of October. I'd read a synopsis and it certainly sounded interesting and I’d watched the trailer, which again looked good. I could not, however, find it anywhere to stream so found a copy on DVD and purchased that. It wasn’t expensive, so I thought if it was terrible, it wouldn’t be such a great loss. It's a purchase I'm very glad I made!

Set in 2003, the movie stars Janette Armand as Frida Abbas, a Princeton University dropout who returns to the small island town of Port Gamble. At the same time, another ex-resident Tom Hunt (played by Doug Fahl) arrives with his boyfriend Lance (Cooper Hopkins) with a view to come out to his mother over dessert. These two storylines seem innocuous enough to the viewer, but there is a reason this movie is set in 2003. This is the era of post 9/11, the Iraq war, George W Bush is president and the fear of terrorism is at its peak. Heavy topics for a low budget zombie flick.

The people of Port Gamble are small minded and hold bigoted views. This plays significantly in the stories of Frida, Tom and Lance. The locals all seem to believe Frida and her father come from Iraq, despite her frequent reminders they are from Iran, a completely different country and that she herself is born and raised in America. Tom relates to Lance that a boy he had a crush on in school was outed and had a terrible experience, so he has been terrified of coming out since (the couple now reside in New York). As all this is happening, slowly, some of the residents are becoming zombified. It isn't made clear how this is happening, or the root cause (no chemical waste in this scenario) but you don't need to know how. 

The movie is a very low budget affair (the biggest name cast member appears to be Russell Hodgkinson, who played series regular “Doc” in Z Nation), but don't let that put you off.  This movie is great! There are some decent special effects and the script is hilarious. There are copious amounts of gore and humour throughout, although it takes a while to get going. Once it does, there’s no stopping it. I found myself laughing so much one minute and squirming at some of the gore and the situations our heroes find themselves in, the next.

Despite being a zombie horror movie on a low budget, there is something really sweet about it. The viewer finds itself rooting for Frida, Tom and Lance as their situations get worse by the minute. Yes, there are very uncomfortable moments when the trio face the prejudices against them, but they are without doubt the heroes of this adventure and the voices of reason in the face of small-mindedness. In the era of post 9/11 and the associated paranoia that came from that, the movie is a breathtaking reflection on that time told from the perspective of those being persecuted. Not all of the townspeople are so petty and there are clues that Tom’s homosexuality is not quite the secret he thought it was.

The cast are extremely competent in their roles and at less than 90 minutes long, it gets rolling quite quickly. It’s definitely worth investing in and you won’t be disappointed!

Year: 2009

Availability: in the UK, appears to be on DVD only

Rating 8/10