Have You Been Watching...? The Gorge (2025)

 

I had high hopes for The Gorge, Apple's new sci-fi/horror thriller, but unfortunately, it fell flat in almost every conceivable and disappointing way. 

The premise had potential—a thrilling adventure set against a stunning, treacherous landscape—but the execution was so lackluster that it left me questioning why I even bothered to watch it in the first place.

First and foremost, the characters were utterly forgettable. Anna Taylor-Joy is a wonderful actor but she is so wasted in this. Her character, an esteemed assassin no less, is a strong force to be reckoned with, until she ends up meeting Miles Teller as Levi, another esteemed assassin and she becomes some kind of of lovesick teen. Our main heroes lack depth, and their motivations felt forced and unconvincing. I found it impossible to connect with or care about their journey, which made the entire film feel like a tedious slog. Their characters are given some background but it doesn't come in to play at all in a way that drives the story.  The dialogue was equally uninspired, filled with clichés and embarrassing exchanges that made me cringe more than once. Screen legend Sigourney Weaver (whom I adore) appears in a few brief scenes, and I'm left wondering why she even got involved in the first place.

Our story is that two world renowned assassins are posted to observation towers either side of a large mist-filled Gorge in some undisclosed location. Neither really knows why they are there other than to stop whatever is in the Gorge from getting out. To this extent, they are kitted out with the latest weaponry and kit. They must remain at their stations for one year and must not communicate with each other. This goes awry when Taylor-Joy's Drasa decides to contact Levi via writing on an art pad. This, in turn, leads to a strange relationship and peril as the pair find themselves at the bottom of the Gorge and it's horrifying secrets.

The pacing was another major issue with this movie. The first hour dragged on endlessly, with long, drawn-out scenes that added nothing to the plot or character development. By the time the action finally picked up, I was already too bored to care. 

Visually, *The Gorge* was a mixed bag. While the natural scenery was undeniably beautiful, some of the CGI and special effects were distractingly bad. Others were great and there are some unusual and horrifying monster designs but there were moments where the green screen was so obvious that it completely took me out of the experience. For a film that relies so heavily on its setting, this was a major letdown.

Lastly, the ending was a complete letdown. Without giving too much away, it felt rushed and unsatisfying, as if the writers had no idea how to wrap up the story. It left me feeling frustrated and cheated, as though I had wasted my time on a film that couldn’t even deliver a coherent conclusion. There are so many potholes. Zip lines can now hold the weight of a jeep? Why have one person in a position such as guardian of the abyss when the monsters can pretty much gain access anytime they want? They only check in once a month, so of the monsters DID get over the edge, there's be no one to find out for a long time and given the reason why the monsters exist, this is sloppy at best. It's like someone came up with this great hook for the film, but hadn't thought out the practicalities. It's sometimes easy to switch off and enjoy the flick, but not when there's so many things to question.

In short, The Gorge is a textbook example of wasted potential. Viewers have drawn parallels with The Last of Us, but unlike that miniseries, The Gorge is a dull, poorly executed film that fails to deliver on its promises. Go in with low expectations and you won't be too disappointed.

Have You Been Watching...? Nosferatu (2024)

Robert Eggers' Nosferatu is a masterclass in atmospheric storytelling, weaving a tale that is both hauntingly beautiful and profoundly chilling. Eggers has reimagined the classic 1922 silent film with prefect attention to the source material, period detail and psychological depth, creating a cinematic experience that feels both timeless and fresh.

The film's visual aesthetic is breathtaking, with cinematography that captures the eerie, shadow-drenched set-pieces and claustrophobic interiors, pulling the audience into the gothic world of obsession and horror. The deliberate slow pacing builds an almost unbearable tension, punctuated by moments of blatant terror and poignant melancholy.

The performances are nothing short of extraordinary. The cast, led by an Nicholas Holt as a naive Thomas Hutter and Bill Skasgaard as the truly unforgettable titular vampire, imbues each character with complexity and emotion, elevating the story beyond its horror roots into the realm of tragedy. Aaron Taylor-Johnson provides the outsiders view of the proceedings and a goes through the mill on this. The film’s haunting score further amplifies the dread, acting as an integral character in this dark symphony.

Nosferatu is more than just a horror film; it’s a profound exploration of humanity’s deepest fears and desires, executed with master craftsmanship. It is a stunning achievement and lingers with you long after the credits roll 

 

Year: 2024

Rating 9/10

Availability: in cinemas now

Have You Been Watching?...Werewolves (2024)

 

I do like horror and action flicks and werewolves tend to get overlooked in this genre compared to the other "classics" such as ghosts and vampires. Werewolves, directed and produced by Stephen C Miller (Escape Plan 2, Margaux) has an intriguing plot and appears to do what it says on the tin. It even just proudly calls itself Werewolves, just in case you miss the point. A lot of the lycanthrope based stories can be cheesy at best, but this one? Well, it makes you want the full moon to set early. Sorry, Supermoon.

The premise teases potential: a supermoon triggers a global werewolf pandemic, and humanity braces for a repeat performance a year later. This isn't a spoiler, on screen text explains all this at the beginning. Which is a shame, that sound like the plot for a great movie!. However, one year in, enter Frank Grillo as Wesley Marshall, a molecular biologist with the physique of an action hero—because who says you can't pipette samples and bench press 300 pounds simultaneously?

Grillo (MCU, Warrior) known for his tough-guy charm, does his best to inject life into the role. However, even his rugged charisma can't outmuscle a script that seems to have been penned during a particularly uninspired lunar cycle. Characters make bizarre decisions and I found myself yelling "What?" and "Why?" at the screen far too many times. I wished by the end I could take a silver bullet and put this movie out of my misery.

 

The film's reliance on practical effects is commendable in an era dominated by CGI and the transformations are excellent, definitely one of them movies highlights. Sadly, with direction that mistakes lens flares for atmosphere, the visual experience is more distracting than immersive. 

Plot-wise, Werewolves meanders through a chaotic narrative, where little to nothing makes any sense. The pacing lurches, leaving viewers checking their watches more than their pulse rates. The previous Supermoon transformations are not really explored. The rest of the world is ignored (surely Australia would have been through the experience before the good ol' USA but that's not even touched upon?) 

In the end, Werewolves is a missed opportunity, failing to deliver the campy fun or genuine thrills that its concept promises. Even die-hard fans of the genre might find themselves howling—not at the moon, but at the sheer disappointment.

Year: 2024

Rating: 2 out of 10 (One star for Grillo and the other for the transformations)

Availability: 

Have You Been Watching...? Hundreds of Beavers (2024)

Sometimes along comes a movie that is so off-the-wall and unhinged that it just makes me happy. Hundreds of Beavers is just that.  It's an ambitious and highly creative film that stands out with its unique blend of slapstick humor, silent film-style storytelling, and surreal visuals. Directed by Mike Cheslik, this black-and-white feature brings back the charm of classic comedies like Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin, but with a whimsical twist.

The plot revolves around a down-and-out fur trapper (Ryland Brickson Cole Tews) who, after losing his business, embarks on an increasingly absurd quest to capture a hundred beavers in order to win the hand of the lady he's fallen in love with, as a directive of her father. The film's genius lies in its simple premise, which slowly escalates into a chaotic adventure full of exaggerated physical comedy and inventive set pieces. Without any dialogue, the movie relies on strong visual gags and expressive performances to convey its story, and it succeeds brilliantly.

The film's aesthetic is deliberately old-school, with grainy textures and exaggerated facial expressions. The homage to the silent movie era is a refreshing break from dialogue-heavy films, proving that pure visual storytelling can be as engaging and entertaining as ever. The beavers themselves, portrayed by actors is furry suits and oversized heads, add to the surreal charm of the movie, creating a playful and unpredictable atmosphere.

What makes Hundred of Beavers stand out is its dedication to its style and humor. It’s quirky, bold, always ridiculous, but never dull. The pacing is quick, ensuring that the audience is constantly entertained, and the variety of slapstick set-ups keeps the laughs coming.

Hundred of Beavers is a delightful and offbeat comedy that pays tribute to silent-era filmmaking while embracing its own quirky identity. It’s perfect for audiences looking for something different, whimsical, and rooted in the joy of visual comedy.

Year: 2024

Rating: 10/10

Availability: digital streaming, DVD and Blu Ray

Have You Been Watching...? Nightsleeper (2023)

 

Night Sleeper is a BBC limited series set mostly on an overnight 'sleeper' train from Scotland to London. The series plays out in real time, almost. It stars Joe Cole (Peaky Blinders, Skins) as Joseph Roag, a police officer with a secret and Alexandra Roach (No Offence, Sanditon) as Abby Aysgarth, acting "Technical Director" of the National Cyber Security Centre. It is these two characters that lead the drama.

Night Sleeper had all the makings of a gripping drama, but unfortunately, it fell short of expectations. The show suffered from pacing issues right from the start, with sluggish storytelling that made it difficult to stay engaged. The plot, which promised a high-stakes thriller on a sleeper train, was bogged down by unnecessary subplots and flat character development.

Written by Nick Leather (CBBC's Rocket Island), the script lacked the punch needed for a series like this, often relying on clichés and predictable twists that were more frustrating than thrilling. The characters themselves felt underdeveloped, making it hard to invest emotionally in their fates. Some performances were solid, such as David Threlfall (Shameless) as "Pev", in a role not far removed from his well known role as Frank Gallagher , but others felt wooden, and the dialogue often seemed forced, further undermining the tension the show was trying to build.

Visually, Night Sleeper had moments of atmospheric tension, but even that couldn't save the overall experience. The CGI looks poor indeed, and removes the viewer from the drama instantly. What could have been an edge-of-your-seat thriller ended up feeling more like a long, uneventful journey with little payoff at the end. In the crowded landscape of British dramas, Night Sleeper unfortunately fails to stand out.

I really want to like this, but it turned out to be overlong and padded with unnecessary moments. I wanted to give up after episode 2, but wanted to give it a chance. Sadly, it was a chance the series squandered.

Year: 2024

Rating 4/10

Availability: currently streaming on BBCiplayer

Have You Been Watching...? Generation Z (2024)

 

Channel 4's "Dead Set" created a bar for TV zombie serials that was very high indeed. So it was with great anticipation I sat down to watch “Generation Z”, the channel's latest Zombie series written, produced and directed by acclaimed film-maker Ben Wheatley. He did the movie of JG Ballard's "High Rise": great! And the movie "The Meg 2: The Trench": not so great! How would Generation Z play out?

The 6 part series aims to deliver an edgy, hyper-modern take on the concerns and lives of today’s young adults. It's title can be read as 'zombie generation' or as the current generation of young people 'Gen Z'. What it ultimately serves up is an exaggerated caricature of Gen Z culture that feels like it was put together by a committee of 'oldies' trying to guess what “the kids” are into these days. The show attempts to tackle complex themes like mental health, social media addiction, and identity politics but does so with a shallowness that renders every serious topic trivial. Topics such as County Lines are touched upon and skimmed over like a stone in a lake, barely addressing that very real social problem. It's supposed to be "satirical" in that the older generation suddenly becomes powerful and begin picking off the younger ones, but that's what zombies do, isn't it? 

The writing is especially disappointing—filled with cringey, outdated slang and meme references that feel stale by the time they hit the screen. Dialogue is often contrived, and the characters, instead of being the nuanced, multidimensional people this generation deserves, are flat stereotypes: the "influencer with no depth," the "activist with no real convictions," the "overworked student," and so on. Each seems designed to represent a hashtag more than a person. It's also wildly inconsistent. We are told that the virus will kill young people if infected and we see one go through this, but then another gets infected with zero side effects at all. Towards the end of the series it becomes less about the zombies and becomes a bit of a Mad Max style revenge tale. There's so much going on, there just isn't time to spend on anything of substance.

Plotting and pacing are all over the place. For instance, in the midst of the army rounding up people and oldies eating younger folk, the students find their geography A levels are back on in school. I think this was meant to be funny, but it's such a stupid thing to do that it takes the viewer out of the moment and reminds them why they can't forgive this awful programme.

Visually, the show leans on gimmicky editing techniques that do more to distract than enhance. It’s as if the directors watched a few viral videos and decided this must be the dominant Gen Z aesthetic—ignoring that an actual TV series has a different pacing and visual language. It then has strange 80s style home video graphics throughout, which jars with the 'modern' approach. There's a lot of running around The Woods which wastes an opportunity to do a real zombie show in a modern town and rehashes the old zombie movie cliche of....running around in the woods.

Casting television legends such as Sue Johnson, Robert Lyndsey and Anita Dobson and then lumbering them with this flat, bland dialogue seems a waste of their talents, and as for casting a bunch of teenagers who are clearly way older than the roles they play hark back to the days of Beverly Hills 90210. 

The real tragedy of “Generation Z” is that it squanders an opportunity to tell meaningful stories about a complex, misunderstood generation. I almost felt as if the poor plot, script, acting and production WAS the satire. That Wheatley and Channel 4 had pulled some kind of social experiment trick on its audience that would be revealed as the series climaxed. I wish it had, but I was to be disappointed.

Generation Z is one of the biggest disappointments and one of the worst serials I have ever watched. There is genuinely nothing to enjoy here, except perhaps, the much-hyped demise of a cockapoo. Dead Set, Shaun of the Dead even Cockneys v Zombies have shown how good modern satire can work within the Zombie story setting. 

I wanted to give up on this series after episode 2, but in order to give a genuine review of the series I felt obliged to watch it all. 

Rating: 2/10

Year: 2024

No of episodes: 6

Availability: currently broadcasting on Channel 4 Sundays and Mondays or streaming on Channel 4 on Demand

Have You Been Watching...? Zombie Night (2013)

  

Syfy/Asylum studio movies can be a bit "hit and miss". Apparently the studio have never made a loss on any of their flicks. Yes, they are cheap with lousy effects, but sometimes they have a charm that encourages a level of forgiveness for trying to achieve something. Zombie Night, a SyFy movie from 2013, is not one of those.

Someone, somewhere thought it would be a good idea to put 80s icons such as Alan Ruck (Ferris Bueller's Day Off), Daryl Hannah (Splash) and Anthony Michael Hall (Weird Science and The Dead Zone TV series) together in a film about zombies that exist for one night only, and then handed the production over to some people who should never be let near a film again.

I was not expecting much, but that bar has never been so low. Our story begins out of nowhere with zombies suddenly appearing out of the ground, which is fun, but the scene itself is prolonged and our cast running about doing absolutely nothing to get away. It's embarrassing for them.

This is a problem throughout the film. Set pieces take place and the cast make increasingly poor and illogical decisions simply to put them into further jeopardy and pad out this abomination of a movie. I don't think I've ever watched a film shouting "They deserve to die!" at the screen. 

Sometimes, I will say a script could do with another polish, another point of view, but this one needs something poured on it and set on fire, then put in a bin to make sure the fire doesn't go out.

Hall, Hannah and Ruck do the best with their characters, and they are so good, but I just felt sorry for the cast having to read these lines and act these scenes with some kind of conviction. There's an elderly lady who just moans and whines, a neighbour who joins the group for reasons of plot, cries and moans, a little bit who moans. There's more moaning from the cast of characters than all the zombies put together.

Even the Zombie "rules" only come into play when it suits. A character get bitten and turns into a zombie. Other characters get bitten and absolutely nothing happens, or they take forever to turn, when it suits the story. Sometimes the zombies are slow, other times they're so quick the cast can't react. It is just so inconsistent it takes the pleasure away. Daft decisions include characters mistaking the yellow flashing of a construction crew lights for...., wait for it...., the blue and red flashing of police lights. They even go into a GREENHOUSE to get away from the zombies. Then there's a whole "thing" about trying to get past some vines in a tunnel which ends up taking no effort whatsoever.

I like to say something positive about a production even if it is terrible. So, in this flick, there ARE some decent zombie effects. That's it. Nothing more. It's a horrendous film and should be consigned to the bargain basement of Doom. Save yourselves. Avoid this. It's just under 90 minutes of my life I'm never going to get back. I've wasted them on this travesty.

Rating: 0/10

Year: 2013

Availability: I won't tell you. I don't want you to seek it out. It's out there, that's all you need to know...